dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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