i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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