I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
