My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
