I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
