i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
