I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
