Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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