Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He shit in the fireplace
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
