Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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