the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
