The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
