after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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