my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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