Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would fuck him just for his dog
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize