He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
