yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were trust falling into bushes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
