Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
