i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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