I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
