I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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