Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
