Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
