if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
