i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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