yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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