I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
