on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
