Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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