So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
