i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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