Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
