We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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