i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
