I accidentally burped into my bong.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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