Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
