p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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