I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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