Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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