My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
