think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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