I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
