There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She's JV to your varsity
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
