There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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