out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
