Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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