went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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