Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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