so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
