Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen