I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.