My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And then my night got REAL pukey
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?