Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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Boobs are out for the taking
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?