Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
