cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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