and she was petting her beer can
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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