I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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