in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
