the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You are a genius and a whore.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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