rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's rum buckets o'clock
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
