Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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