to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
