I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
