morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
