The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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