Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
