Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
