I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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