she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
