You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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