I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
