he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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