All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
